You. You look outstanding today. But, I won't tell you that. I would, instead, keep staring at you, follow you with my eyes, because your appearance gives my eyes a much-needed warmth. But, I would not even smile at you. I would just sit there, cold and indifferent, with thousand adjectives running in my mind.
When we are done with basking in each other's lust warmth, and I am sniffing for your musky sweaty smell, I would keep telling you, how much I hate you, how much detest you. But, you would never know, deep down, I am ecstatic, simply because I have someone to hate.
We would fight, mostly for mistakes that I did. And I would know before five minutes through the fight, that I should apologize. But, I won't. Because, darling, you still don't know the little egoistic devil I pet inside my head.
Instead, I would just sit there, trying to dilute the pain that guilt inflicted me with. I would go to bed late, and would sit on the bathroom floor, and try to conjure up a daydream, where our fight has ended without me having to apologize.
I would also keep memorizing dialogues in my sleepy head, about how I should make you understand. But, then I would sleep and forget all shit about it.
I am the wrong person to fall in love with.
We are not forever, and we know that. Of all my dreams that I have told you, none of them has you in it.
I want to sit on a cliff and scream and recite Sylvia Plath to myself. I want to bungee jump from a hell lot of altitude. I want to shiver in an igloo somewhere in the corners of the Arctic Circle.
Obviously you know about these dreams.
What you don't know is, I have you beside me, when I am reading out poems, listening. When I bungee jump, you are somewhere close, reaching out to me, swimming in the air, trying to grab my hand. You are there in the igloo, too, searching for more blankets, because you have your balls shit frozen, already.
And you would never know, that I have thought of a future with you, already.
I am not the right person to fall in love with.
I love my space, and I admit, I don't always like you around. I feel like killing you at times.
Let's put it this way, I want to shoot you right in the stomach, rush you to a hospital, sit by your bed, and read out a new story to you everyday, till you get better.
I belong to that gang of people whom evening streetlights make sad. So, if we are out for an evening walk, and the sun is diluted by the growing darkness, and the city starts putting on its streetlamps, and I am suddenly not laughing to your jokes anymore, you would never know why.
And I wll always talk of running away. Because, some mess cannot be undone.
Because, deep down. we all are escapists, not out of habit, but out of the tiredness of not being able to make things right. And, trust me, I am not the type of girl, you miss everyday, until I am gone.
Every night, when we run out of topics, and end up talking about our past love, you would never know, I will wait for you to keep the phone, and cry myself to sleep.
I don't want to spend my life with you, and most of the times, I am in two minds. One mind wants to grab you fiercely, make love, cry between kisses, for all the past fights whose reasons we don't even remember. The other mind wants to grab you fiercely, outline your waistline, and kiss you between stabs of the frozen knife, right in your kidney, and then everywhere else.
You don't want to love someone who loves you and hates you, at the same time, with the same magnitude.
I am the wrong person to fall in love with.
When we are done with basking in each other's lust warmth, and I am sniffing for your musky sweaty smell, I would keep telling you, how much I hate you, how much detest you. But, you would never know, deep down, I am ecstatic, simply because I have someone to hate.
We would fight, mostly for mistakes that I did. And I would know before five minutes through the fight, that I should apologize. But, I won't. Because, darling, you still don't know the little egoistic devil I pet inside my head.
Instead, I would just sit there, trying to dilute the pain that guilt inflicted me with. I would go to bed late, and would sit on the bathroom floor, and try to conjure up a daydream, where our fight has ended without me having to apologize.
I would also keep memorizing dialogues in my sleepy head, about how I should make you understand. But, then I would sleep and forget all shit about it.
I am the wrong person to fall in love with.
We are not forever, and we know that. Of all my dreams that I have told you, none of them has you in it.
I want to sit on a cliff and scream and recite Sylvia Plath to myself. I want to bungee jump from a hell lot of altitude. I want to shiver in an igloo somewhere in the corners of the Arctic Circle.
Obviously you know about these dreams.
What you don't know is, I have you beside me, when I am reading out poems, listening. When I bungee jump, you are somewhere close, reaching out to me, swimming in the air, trying to grab my hand. You are there in the igloo, too, searching for more blankets, because you have your balls shit frozen, already.
And you would never know, that I have thought of a future with you, already.
I am not the right person to fall in love with.
I love my space, and I admit, I don't always like you around. I feel like killing you at times.
Let's put it this way, I want to shoot you right in the stomach, rush you to a hospital, sit by your bed, and read out a new story to you everyday, till you get better.
I belong to that gang of people whom evening streetlights make sad. So, if we are out for an evening walk, and the sun is diluted by the growing darkness, and the city starts putting on its streetlamps, and I am suddenly not laughing to your jokes anymore, you would never know why.
And I wll always talk of running away. Because, some mess cannot be undone.
Because, deep down. we all are escapists, not out of habit, but out of the tiredness of not being able to make things right. And, trust me, I am not the type of girl, you miss everyday, until I am gone.
Every night, when we run out of topics, and end up talking about our past love, you would never know, I will wait for you to keep the phone, and cry myself to sleep.
I don't want to spend my life with you, and most of the times, I am in two minds. One mind wants to grab you fiercely, make love, cry between kisses, for all the past fights whose reasons we don't even remember. The other mind wants to grab you fiercely, outline your waistline, and kiss you between stabs of the frozen knife, right in your kidney, and then everywhere else.
You don't want to love someone who loves you and hates you, at the same time, with the same magnitude.
I am the wrong person to fall in love with.
